I just kind of wrote this. Tell me what you think.
"Writing Right"
Sitting in my The Write Stuff t-sirt
trying to write about the right stuff
to say to you.
I don't know what to say to you.
Do I run away from you?
WIll I run away with you?
Why can't I stop thinking about you?
Sitting in my The Write Stuff t-shirt
trying to write the right stuff
to impress you.
Do I imrpess you?
Have I made an impression upon you?
Do you sometimes wonder about me?
I wonder about you.
SItting in my The Write Stuff t-shirt
trying to write the right stuff
to say what I can't;
I think I like you.
I don't knwo about the last line, I htink I should take it out, but I'll leave it in. That is kind of the point.
posted by SR Clark @ 4:29 PM
1 Comments:
Leave the last line in there - the poem builds and builds until it reaches the mild conclusion that communicates the message subtly at the same time as it screams it out at the reader.
----- *takes off the bow-tie, loosens the collar, and flips the sign to "off duty"* -----
Okay; now for non-professional remarks.
I like it. I like this poem a lot - it expresses the right emotions and uncertainties, and it does so very quietly, very calmly.
As for the subject: Here's what advice I can offer - don't let it fester. Don't keep wondering; ask them. They can do no worse than saying no. I know I seem a bit cavalier about it all, but it's better if you fight through it quickly and punch through to figure out what they're thinking before you start forming an idealized image of them in your head.
Anyway... 'tis a bit late, so I'll skedaddle on to sleep now.
~ Teddy
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